"Benjamin Grier" backwards. I figure I don't blog enough or write in my journal as much as a should, so if I make a blog about something that I know will always hold my interest, then I know I'll always remember to blog about it right? I hope...
Anyways, this kid...there's so much to write. I'm going to start with the beginning- on my other blog I wrote an entry about him immediately after he accepted my friend request on facebook way back when in early October. This is what it said:
Hi there. You're adorable. I don't think I've ever used that word to describe anything before. But you're absolutely adorable. I've easily watched over ten videos of you and I wrote a creepy message on your wall. I come in platonicy, you have my word. But can we be best friends for the rest of our lives please?
Before we had even talked, I wrote what sounds like a love letter to him. From seeing his pictures and stalking his videos. Then a couple days later in a Starbucks we facebook chatted about nothing in particular, and I wrote a second entry about him. Here's a few excerpts:
-Okay wait I'm confused. Do I like him? No. I mean yes but not really.
-I don't even like him I'm just being obsessive cuz I'm Connor. Whatever.
-I just pictured WHAT IF BEN WAS MY BARISTA!!
-We're meant to be. Friends. We're meant to be friends. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't actually like him or have any reason to.
Basically I was rambling, changing my mind, sounding like a schizo, bringing all my thought processes back to him....all the signs of liking someone. After the most meaningless conversation about nothing. I never realized this until now, but I was whipped from the start. I had no chance. No control. Literally a modern day version of love-at-first-sight.
Do I love him? No. Not yet, anyway. But I'm skipping ahead here.
So basically we were talking a bit before we got to school. And he talked about the girl he was dating for two years. And I believed that he was straight. I mean, he's way too perfect to be straight, and way deep down I knew it, but I used it as an excuse to help me not think about him as much.
But then when we got to AMDA shit went down. The first couple of weeks nothing really happened, he came to my room and hung out a couple times, whatever. The third week of school I hung out with him and Vicki and Taylor every day. Just the four of us. Watching movies, drinking, talking, etc. And I would do little flirty things, like talk to Tay about how I like shorter brown-haired boys right in front of him, or sit with my leg touching his and watch his breathing get faster. Little tests like that to see what he was made of. Turns out he's made of everything that's good in this world. For a week I would test the waters with him and try to figure out whether or not he was gay (he was still with his girlfriend back home). Taylor and Vicki would comfort me telling me how obviously gay he is and that all I need to do is wait for him to be comfortable with me.
Friday night, October 28th, we all hung out in Ben's room until 3:00 AM. He kinda crashed and the party diffused- we all went to our rooms and fell asleep. The next morning I woke up at 11:28. It was a beautiful Saturday morning with the first blanket of winters snowfall, just two days before Halloween. At 11:30 I got a text message from Ben saying "Sorry I fell asleep on you guys last night." and I said "Not a problem =)"
"Come to my room and cuddle."
It took me maybe two minutes to brush my teeth, put on deodorant, spray cologne, and rush down to room 407, just in time for me to get there and pretend like I barely cared what was happening.
We laid on his bed next to eachother, the frozen white landscape becoming increasingly thick outside his window. We talked, we joked, we cuddled. We cuddled. That's when I knew, and finally I had the balls to say it:
"I have a question. ...Why?..."
"Why what?"
"Why do you...why do you act like you like me?"
*pause*
"Because I do."
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